Family Bonding Time
by juviass
Summary: Wherein Gildartz finds a baby wyvern and names it Foo Foo Cuddlypoops, but Cana does not agree with this choice of name. — Cana/Gildartz, family.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

**For Mrs. HopeEstheim's Writing Contest. Round Two: Family.**

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Gildartz rocked on the balls of his feet excitedly, like a child in a candy store, as he held out a baby animal as a gift to his daughter.

"Well? Do you like it? I found it abandoned on the side of the road as I was walking back from the guild. Isn't it such a cutie?" Gildartz cooed. Cana stared for a while, opened her mouth, then closed it again and took three slow steps away from her father.

"Pops, are you sober?" she asked, eyeing the baby animal warily.

Gildartz cocked his head. "It's eleven in the morning. Why wouldn't I be?"

Cana's eyebrow twitched. "Because you've got a snarling, struggling, screaming baby wyvern in your hands."

"I don't see how that makes me drunk. And besides, Cana, it's just a baby. It's not hurting anyone." The wyvern bit Gildartz's metal hand, its sharp teeth making the metal screech, before it yelped in pain and began to whine. Cana groaned in annoyance, while her father immediately fussed over the baby, hushing it and petting it softly. "Shh, shh, no one's gonna hurt you. We're gonna take good care of you, Foo Foo Cuddlypoops."

"Foo Foo... _What?_" Cana nearly screamed. The wyvern continued to yowl, its tiny wings flapping wildly at random intervals.

"Foo Foo Cuddlypoops. That's what I named it on the way home. Isn't it a suitable name?"

"How does _that_ scream 'Foo Foo Cuddlypoops'?! If it were up to me, I'd just call it a beast."

"Cana, that doesn't even sound remotely alike to my name of choice," Gildartz chastised lightly.

"That's the point! Wyverns aren't supposed to be cuddly!"

"Even so, couldn't you have picked a name with more... character?"

"Fine. How does '_Sinister_ Beast' sound to you? Enough character in there?" Cana said sarcastically. Gildartz tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"That could work. How about Foo Foo Beast? Sinister Cuddlypoops? I think I like the second one better."

"I... What."

"Hmm... Sinister Cuddlypoops it is! Welcome to our little family, Sinister Cudlypoops!" Gildartz grinned and smiled at the baby, who growled and snapped at him. "Feisty, aren'tcha? Well anyways, now we've gotta find some food and water." The man turned and lumbered over to his kitchen, where he began to dig through his tiny pantry. "Do you think wyverns can drink beer? Because that's all I have in terms of liquids." The wyvern thrashed and keened in Gildartz's left hand, and Cana grabbed her father's shoulder.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up, pops. Did you say '_we've_ gonna find some food and water'? Because I don't remember agreeing to taking care of this thing."_  
_

Gildartz frowned. "But you were part of naming it."

"Wyverns are big and loud and annoying, so I am most definitely _not_ going to take care of one."

"But Sinister Cuddlypoops is only a baby!"

Cana shook her head in exasperation. "Ugh, that name doesn't even make sense! Couldn't you have come up with something more, I dunno, normal?" The forgotten wyvern screeched loudly, and Cana glared and bopped the wyvern lightly on the head. "Agh, shut up, you!" The baby craned its neck and nipped Cana's finger in response, making the girl cry out. "Hey! That little shit just bit me!"

"No! Bad Sinister Cuddlypoops!" Gildartz scolded, pointing a metal finger at it harshly. The wyvern began to whine again. "And Cana! That wasn't nice either. Don't be sad, Sinister Cuddlypoops. Cana's just being a bully," Gildartz cooed.

"Hey! I'm not a bully!" Cana said, smacking Gildartz's arm.

"Only bullies hit people," Gildartz pouted. Cana rolled her eyes.

"Oh, so now _you're_ the helpless victim? _I'm_ the one that got bitten!" She shoved her bleeding finger in front of Gildartz's face. "Look!"

The man sighed. "Cana, we both know that you've been hurt worse, and—"

"_SKREEEEEEEEEE!_"

"... What was that?" Cana asked, sounding slightly fearful. The screech came again, and this time, the baby wyvern in Gildartz's hand screeched back. Cana paled. "Oh no."

"It's probably just some of the forest animals fighting again. That's what happens when your house is in the middle of the forest, I guess," Gildartz said with a shrug. "Nothing to get scared about."

"Hey, dad, where did you say you found the wyvern again?" Cana asked. Gildartz looked confused by the question, but answered anyways.

"In a hole in under a dead tree. It's a shame that it was abandoned, really. It's such a pretty green."

"_SKREEEEEEEEE!_" The source of the screech seemed to be getting closer.

"Damn animals. Maybe I should go and teach them who's really the king of this forest..." Gildartz grumbled, and he managed to take two steps towards the door of his tiny house before the rest of the house in front of him was smashed by two taloned and green scaled legs. The creature in front of him screeched so loudly that Gildartz was actually forced to take a step back. Cana stared at the creature in shock and fear, and Gildartz slowly raised his head to find the face of a very big, very angry wyvern. Its sharp teeth dripped with saliva, and it stomped its feet on the floor, shaking it. The baby wyvern in Gildartz's hand let out a high pitched whine, which the adult wyvern quickly returned.

"Oh... Ahahaha... Is this baby yours?" Gildartz asked the adult wyverns as he slowly crouched down. "Why didn't you tell me you had a mother, Sinister Cuddlypoops? Ahahaha..." He placed the baby wyvern's scrabbling feet on the ground, and released his grip on the animal one finger at a time. Once it was fully freed, the baby wyvern whined again and hopped over to its mother's side, then flexed its wings and flew atop its mother's head. Gildartz slowly rose and took two cautious steps backwards before whipping around and bolting away, scooping Cana into his arms as he passed. The mother wyvern screeched and took chase.

"Why the _hell_ did you pick that thing up from _under_ a dead tree?!" Cana shouted over the sound of crashing trees and wyvern cries.

"Well it was just kind of lying there!" Gildartz shouted back.

"Under a dead tree?! It was _hiding_!"

"Well I can see that now!" And then suddenly Gildartz was laughing, loud and merry.

"There's nothing _funny_ about this, pops!" Cana screamed in near hysterics. Gildarz laughed louder.

"I know but doesn't this make you feel like we're a real family now?"

"Uh, no, not really. Normal families don't get _chased around by an angry wyvern_ for family bonding time!"

"But it's fun, isn't it?"

Cana said nothing, only clung onto her father more tightly, but Gildartz could feel her smile on his neck. "You're a shitty excuse for a father, y'know that?" she shouted at him. A goofy grin stretched across Gildartz's face.

"That's just the way I am!"

**X-X-X**

Two weeks later, Cana visited her father's newly repaired house as per his request. She opened the door and was greeted by her father holding a squawking baby griffin in his arms. Cana groaned and massaged her forehead with her hand, but couldn't quite hide the smile that tugged at her lips. Gildartz beamed at her.

"Hey, Cana, look what I found abandoned on this side of the road this morning! His name is Foo Foo Cuddlypoops... The Second!"

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**Ah, it always feels nice when I get into The Zone while writing. The stuff I write while I'm in The Zone feels less... shitty.**

**And before any of you ask, yes, Foo Foo Cuddlypoops is a reference to A:TLA. I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry that I'm not really that sorry for this.**

**This is for Kaitlin, who constantly reminded (read: pestered) me to hurry and finish this fic before the round ended. Honestly, if it wasn't for her, I'd probably be asking for an extension right now and I wouldn't have finished this until next weekend. So thanks, man, and have a nice WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!**

**Thanks for reading!**


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